Jon and Kate Plus The Worst Tension Ever

Since my DVR hates me, I was only just able to witness the season premiere of "Jon and Kate Plus 8" a few hours ago, and not with the other record-breaking 9.8 million viewers on Memorial Day.  I have to admit--I was wholly intrigued and embarrassed by the fact that I cared what was going on in their marriage so much.  I suppose it has been a slow celebrity news cycle these last few weeks, because the Gosselins have graced the cover of every rag tag in the business of late, and I was actually fully confused as to why.  So that made me wonder...why do we care?

Reality television is usually popular due to the fact that we can make fun of people for putting themselves in these asinine positions, but every once in a while, you find a show that is intriguing simply for the normalcy it conveys.  What is so odd is that how is a family who has 2 sets of multiples be so normal?

First of all, the Gosselins live in central Pennsylvania.  I can say with first-hand experience that there is no other place in America that is so wholesome and "American" without shoving fire and brimstone down your throats.  The Gosselins have always been extremely religious, but they have never pushed it on any of their viewers--they just believe what they believe and people respect that.  Same goes for the Roloff family in Oregon--which I believe is TLC's second most popular show behind "Plus 8."  Christianity is laced in the fact that there is no swearing, there are a few Bible quotes on the cabinets, but there is never any judgment passed on to us as viewers.

Second, families can watch with their children and watch Kate punish her children for being naughty, and it reiterates their own child disciplining choices..."see Scooter? Kate puts Alexis in time out too."  Nothing makes a mom feel better than finding out another mom has the same anguish and daily problems such as going to Target as her.  Misery loves company.

Next, in the first few seasons, the Gosselins were not poor by any means, but definitely not wealthy.  Kate was always cutting coupons, cooking or playing with her children sans makeup and in pajamas.  Jon worked all day and came home to open-armed children and (organic) dinner cooking over the stove.  How relatable!

So what happened?

The simple answer is always money--but it actually goes a bit deeper this time and for some reason I want to figure out why.  We always knew Kate was a bitch.  She constantly emasculated her husband, ordering him around like a dog or a child, and admittedly never really liked the cameras in her house nor her fans.  So what happened to where we all went, "wait a second! She was a mom--now she is a MONSTER!"

Oprah et all, is always telling moms that they need to put themselves first every once in a while, and all of a sudden, Kate listens and America revolts--BIG TIME.  She fake tans and gets her nails done--oh big woo.  I am from Texas--that is basically every bitch in a Lexus SUV picking up her kids from school...it's a right of passage.  We also knew that every vacation was paid for and any product mentioned on the show was given to them for free--if you couldn't figure that out, well then sorry, I hate to tell you that there truly is no such thing as pure reality television.  But now all of that is being thrown back into her face.  "She got a free tummy tuck!  She got TWO Whirlpool washers and dryers!!!"  We ALREADY knew this...what changed?

One word that makes every relationship fail: expectations.

As an audience, we expected Kate to stay relatively "momish" with her "Mom to the 8th Power" t-shirts (gag) and boss poor Jon around because he wasn't listening again.  But all of a sudden, Kate figures out that her family is not only a business, but a very profitable business.  But instead of working on her attitude, she worked on her appearance.  She got a personal trainer, a new wardrobe and a tanning membership and middle America doesn't know what hit 'em.  

Also, Jon quit his job 2 years ago to make the show more workable.  Obviously if he was at a job 8 hours a day he is not going to be on camera getting his balls cut off enough.  I do not know the statistics but I can only guess that marriages where a major shift in "homemaking" and "working" happens, a high percentage in in failure.  Jon expected to be the breadwinner of the family for the rest of his life--that was pretty much his only masculine quality left.  But then he quits to make more money with TLC and where does that leave him? I have no doubt he loves being at home with his children, but as someone who has no role other than whipping boy, that doesn't leave him anywhere any of us would want to be.

So our All-American Family is in turmoil and that scares the shit out of half of our population.  So all the things that we saw in the Gosselins that we saw in ourselves has now turned on us, so we have to play the blame game in order to distance ourselves from the problems that they obviously have been having for quite sometime.  Because if we like them for their normalcy--and we are normal--but now they are greedy and sad--then....uh oh...paging Dr. Freud, we need a mirror please...

I am in no way Kate Gosselins biggest fan, but I also feel sorry for her.  One could argue that they put themselves on television and therefore allowed this to happen to them, but I mean, really?  On TLC?  I don't think the paparazzi follow Clinton Kelly anywhere...

So, I will continue to watch as much as my slingbox or American Forces Network will allow me to watch, since this is most likely my last post on American soil, and hope for the best for the Gosselin family.  God speed--and may Kate not lose her hair gel.

And the Next American Idol Is...WHAAA???

27.7 million tuned in Wednesday night to watch the American Idol finale, if not for any other reason than that there was literally nothing else on.  The other networks know what they are competing with, so they prefer to concede rather than run in the race--I mean, "Pirates of the Caribbean?"  Really?  I digress.

For the entire season, Adam Lambert appeared as the heir apparent to the Idol crown, he really could do no wrong--except when he did wrong.  But even when he had us all going, "WTF was that?"  He sang the shit out of it regardless of what it was.  Even on Tuesday night, the judges all but declared the winner as Adam before a single vote was cast...so what happened?

First of all, let me preface this by saying that I am a huge Kris Allen fan, as I even wrote a glowing review of his "Falling Slowly" from the film Once.  I admit, I am an American Idol voter--in the early rounds.  But when it was just Adam, Kris, Danny and Alison, I stopped voting.  Why?  Because they are all amazing in their own right, and it doesn't really matter who wins at that point anyway.  Ahem, Chris Daughtry.

So, over 100 million votes were cast--breaking a world record.  I can only imagine all the tweens texting "Vote" incessantly while their parents thought they were sleeping or God forbid, doing homework.  I am sure AT&T made a friggin' fortune.  And the winner was not the Glam Rocker whom everyone had won about 8 weeks ago, it was the cute-as-a-button (but married) college student/Church Director from small-town Arkansas.  Even Kris couldn't believe it...he actually felt bad that he had won saying "Adam deserves this..." with a look of shock and embarrassment that made me want to give him a little hug.  Why?  I think the answer is actually a bit sad, really.  As much as we want to believe the world is changing and getting more progressive, there is still too much resistance to change the status-quo than we originally thought.

Adam Lambert was on the cover of "Entertainment Weekly" this week, emblazoned on Katy Perry's Elvis Cape on her performance of "Waking Up in Vegas," on last week's result's show, and had the most Google searches and iTunes downloads than any other contestant.  But, at the end of the day, American Idol is a family show.  It dominates the ratings because anyone from 8 to 80 can find something appealing about it...like Steve Martin, playing the banjo...And we all know that Adam Lambert was a bit, hmm, flashy.  He wore eyeliner, black nail polish, eccentric clothes and spent more time on his hair than the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. 

Anyone that would likely vote for Adam consider themselves too cool to vote for American Idol, even though they watch every week, so who ends up voting?  Teens (who lllooovvee Kris's ability to sing like he is singing to them,) middle America, because, let's face it, they don't understand Lambert's high notes nor his shoes, and moms.  Don't lie, you know you watch with your kids and you couldn't help but swoon over Kris's smile and puppy-dog eyes...I know I did.  So why all of Hollywood and the media worshipped the ground Lambert walked on, they were all too busy working out, drinking mojitos and eating sushi to actually make the text.

Not that any of this matters, we all know that they will both get record deals, and then we will see who actually makes it past their first album (insert Ruben Studdard/Clay Aiken/Taylor Hicks.)  

And to the douche-bags who tried to post around the email of Adam Lambert dressed in drag and making out with a dude and asking "Seriously, Is THIS Who You Want as Your Next American Idol?" The answer was a yes, and you can rot in hell.  You are just a self-loathing closet case that needs to accept this is who you are, and then get over yourself.

So another season is in the can, and we can all move our focus to the American Idol's more interesting younger sister, So You Think You Can Dance--God bless Cat Dealy--and then move on.  This year was probably one of the best I have seen, and congrats to both Adam and Kris, you did amazing jobs in your own right.

Drucker, Out.

PS:  Kara schooled the shit out of Bikini Girl.  "I would ask what's new with you, but I think I already know."  Priceless.

GLEE!!!

Well, I am seriously hoping that the lead-in "American Idol" audience helps this little engine that could-be.  "Glee" was everything I hoped it would be--funny, awkward, imperfect and inspiring.  The high school caste system that puts the Glee Club "sub basement" is cringingly accurate.  I definitely knew a cheerleader who was a Crusader for Christ and I also remember some 15-year old boys doing some pretty awful things to people they did not think should be allowed to walk the same hallowed ground that they skulked on.

The actors are relatively unknown, which adds to the innocent allure.  Not to mention the story of doing what you most passionate about (singing) is enough to clear away a bad work-day's haze.  It raises the ultimate familial question: Is it better to make more money to provide for your family, or provide them with the knowledge that they, like you, could be truly happy. Easier said than done, I suppose.

However, the best thing by far about the show is the music.  I mean, who doesn't want Journey to be broken down by fresh-faced adolescents?  And "Rehab?"  Yes. Yes. Yes.

But now we have to wait--who knows if America will fall into line.  America tends to be, well, dumb, when it comes to quality television.  Tammy and Eric Taylor are all too-aware.

But all in all, Yippee for Glee!  Oh God...